Discomfort and Change
Posted by Jay on August 30th, 2008
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the daily thoughts we have and how they influence our moods, our happiness and our lives. Having had a week away from work, friends and everything else that usually fills my daily life, I’ve had a lot of time to step back and look at myself, how I think, and the choices that I make. And just about everything that I do over the course of my day is a choice. I choose where to go, what to do, what to spend, what to put in my mouth. But I go through my day on autopilot. My choices are driven by habit (many of them bad) rather than intention. There is not much intention in my life, and this is something that I want to change.
It’s amazing how being alone for a while can help one to focus in on these things. I tend to blame my twelve-hour-per-day job for my unhappiness and sense of ennui. True, the job gets in the way of many things, but I am the one who chose to build my life around having that job and the comfort and security that it provides.
I also ted to blame my partner M. for many of my financial problems — he is financially irresponsible, so I have to earn enough money to pay the household bills. But this is a cop out. First of all, I earn $100k per year. There are bigger problems in my financial world than the fact that M. doesn’t always contribute his $700 per month for household expenses. That $700 would barely cover my eating out expenses each month, much less premium cable, good wine, and all the crap I’ve accumulated over the years. The responsibility for my financial problems lies with me — I need to change.
Change — we never change until we become uncomfortable. And I’m very uncomfortable now. I hate my job, hate being in debt, hate having limited options. Can I make the changes that I need to make in order to change my life? This is what has been on my mind for the past week. I’ve stopped drinking, which is a start. Two days ago, after blogging about all the sugar I was eating, I decided to eliminate sweets from my diet. Last week I decided to eliminate wine and eating out from my budget, and I have been good about both.
When I do leave my job, one of the secrets of survival will be frugality, and managing to get by on $50,000 per year or even less, rather than $100,000 per year that barely covers my expenses now.
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August 31st, 2008 at 12:15 am
Jay, you’re right we need to be uncomfortable before we change. If you’re dilligent about it you can spend some time preparing and getting your finances in order so when you do leave your job the impact won’t be nearly as hard.
Unfortunately this does mean some adjustment. I’ve stopped going out and eating out. Its taken some effort but I’m now living below my means. It’s nice knowing I’ll be able to pay the bills. If I completely cut out the drinking and smoking I’ll be able to start denting my debt. I’m thinking of this as a journey and its been helping me stay focused.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:05 am
Yes, I do agree we make choices. Seems my relationship with my husband is getting more difficult as we get older. He slips up on doing things and as my energy diminishes I take up the slack less–and we have a teen-ager! Choice I made was to start exercising, spend less money, and desperately hold on to my sense of humor.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Hi C,
I know how that goes. My partner M. called me from Brazil today asking if I could “lend” him $2,000. I told him absolutely not, that I work hard for my money and that I’m not about to lend anyone $2,000 while I’m paying down my debt, not even my mother.
You’d think it would be easy to say no to such a request, but it isn’t. Somehow I’m programmed to think that it is selfish to put myself first, but at least I realize that this is just programming now, and that I my obligation is to put myself first, not to worry about who might think I’m selfish.
I do need to work on my sense of humor though….
September 5th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I’ve never commented on your blog although I have read several posts; but I couldn’t help myself this time. This is a very powerful post that can really help motivate it’s readers as well as, I hope, it’s author.
I, too, struggle to keep my financial settings in a comfortable level and have know for years that I need to change something. Your post may just be that gentle push that I needed.
So, good luck to you on your ventures and thank you for this post. Now, I need to go return my $60 shirt that I bought yesterday =)
September 5th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Wait. I think I have posted here before; your Kiva post!! lol